A Day in the Life of a Deathclaw
by erttheking
Summary: A day in the life of the most deadly creature in the Mojave wasteland. Based on an idea by kitkatinahat


A Day in the Life of a Deathclaw

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A Deathclaw let out a yawn as it's eyes slowly fluttered open. It was lying in a massive dark cavern along with around half a dozen others. Most of them still asleep, curled up on the ground. Glancing to his right, he saw another Deathclaw getting to its feet, turning to look at him. "I must say old chap, that was the most jolly night of sleep I've had in a fortnight," he said.

"I concur good fellow," the Deathclaw said. "I feel rested and rejuvenated, ready to carry out my duties to her majesty or my name shan't be Sir Baxter IV, of South Ridge Hennishaws any longer."

"I concur!" the second Deathclaw said.

"Come Eugene, we have royal matters to attend to." The two Deathclaws made their way out of the cave that they were in and stepped out into the quarry beyond. Humans working under the employment of the New California Republic has been mining rock here when her majesty had decided to settle this land. Sadly they had all left, Baxter always found Humans to be rather interesting. Sure they tasted good, but they could be interesting to watch too.

It was at that moment that Baxter heard the noise of rocks rubbing against each other. Looking up, he saw a Human wearing very odd looking cloths and with his hair in a mohawk standing on the edge of the valley that the quarry was in. Tiny rocks were rolling down the valley towards them, apparently having been knocked loose by accident.

"Good day sir!" Baxter called out. A flash emanated from the Human and Baxter felt a slight pain in his right shoulder. Looking down he saw a bullet embedded in his hide. He frowned as he looked back up at the Human. "My good sir, that was most brutish and unwarranted. I demand a sincere apology from you at once," he said, making his way up the side of the valley.

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The Raider's eyes widened with fear as he fired his pistol again, catching the Deathclaw in the torso but doing nothing to slow it down. The massive creature let out a roar as it tore out of the valley, closing the distance between the two of them at a massive pace. He tightened his finger around the trigger again, but before he could get another shot off, the Deathclaw was upon him. He barely had time to scream as it raises its claw and swung.

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"And I hope you learned a valuable lesson about picking squabbles with strangers," Baxter said, carrying the body of the Human as he and Eugine began to head towards their destination again. "The ruffian." He turned his focus back to his duties as he and Eugene approached the far end of the quarry, where the Queen was standing next to her nest. "Good day your majesty!"

The Queen turned to look at them, a lovely smile spreading across her heavenly features. "Ah, sir Eugene and sir Baxter, what a lovely surprise." She glanced at two Deathclaws standing nearby. "You two boys are relieved, go and help yourself to a spot of tea."

"We found a delectable morsel on our way here," Baxter said, holding up the Human. "You chaps look rather hungry, you have it."

"Oh, why thank you good fellow," one of the Deathclaws said, taking the Human from Baxter before walking off with his friend.

"May I ask you the condition of your children?" Baxter asked. "It is our duty to guard them after all."

"Oh, they're simply little angels, every last one of them," the Queen said, looking at her children with a smile on her face. They were all sitting by a Brahmin that was lying on the ground, helping themselves to it. "They're so polite, so well mannered. I taught them exceptional table manners."

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"It looks like they're feeding," a woman said, looking through the scope of her sniper rifle before glancing at the man next to her, who was looking through his own rifle. "Vicious little bastards aren't they Boone?"

The First Recon sniper nodded as he continued to watch, seeing all three of the Deathclaw babies viciously tear away at the dead cow lying between them, ripping away at the carcass with their jaws and snapping up the strips of flesh. "I think we should keep our distance for now, wait to see if the Queen and those other two move away from the nest before we make a move for the eggs."

Boone nodded. "That one there tore that Viper apart with no problem, I'm not eager to see if he's still hungry."

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"So boys, how do you feel now that you've become members of the royal guard?" the Queen asked.

"Splendid, simply splendid," Baxter said. "I'm overjoyed to battle for the crown and protect it. I know you are an exceptional fighter yourself your majesty, but we require you for the pack to thrive. We are more expendable than you."

"I know," the Queen said, sighing as she held up her claws, flexing them. "When I was your age, I was so eager to be a warrior. My mother even allowed it for a time and allowed me to defend the pack. It was an engrossing experience, the thrill of the hunt as I stalked my foe and ambushed him. Sadly that was when I was a younger woman, and before my mother died and I had to take her place. My duty to the pack comes before my personal wants, the same is true for all of us."

"We mourn your lost among the ranks of our warriors," Eugene said. "You put all of us to shame."

"Oh, pish posh," the Queen said. "You boys dispatched that rapscallion with ease. Even Maxwell had trouble executing attacks that clean."

"Sir Maxwell?" Eugene said. "The best warrior in the pack when the old Queen still ruled."

"Oh yes," the Queen said, a dreamy like expression crossing her face.. "Sir Maxwell, such a dashing fellow. Every last royal girl swooned when he walked up, delivering a most thoughtful present. He always liked to bring us sweets, and he knew just how I liked my Gecko. I admit, part of me wishes that he was still alive to be my husband, but sadly fate claims us all."

She looked down at her children. "After all, life goes on and now I have these little ones to look after. They-Reginald, where are you going?" One of the children was walking away from the nest, heading towards the end of the valley. Two men in bright silver armor were standing their, clutching weapons.

"Ah, T-51b power armor, a classic model," Baxter said. "First fielded by the United States Army in the campaign to reclaim Anchorage from the Chinese during the war. A costly but successful campaign."

"Reginald!" the Queen called out. "Those blokes look rather shifty, stay away from them!" No sooner has she spoken than one of them firing a laser blast, barely missing Reginald."

"Those brutes! How uncouth of them!" the Queen said, talking forward. "I am going to give them quite a talking to!"

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The Brotherhood of Steel Paladin's stomach dropped as he saw the enraged Deathclaw Queen charging at him, roaring as she did. He didn't even have time to fire again before the Queen pounced onto him, knocking him over and slashing at his helmet. There was a sickening crack as his head came flying off, skidding across the ground as the Queen glared at the Paladin behind him.

He turned and tried to run, not hearing the gentle footfalls of the Deathclaw behind him as it lunged and swung, its claws burying itself in his head, ripping through it so hard that the tip of one of the claws came off as the Paladin fell to the ground dead.

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"Oh drat," the Queen said, holding up her claw. "I do believe I chipped it. That's rather unfortunate." She glanced down sadly, seeing the tip of her claw buried in the brain of the Brotherhood of Steel Paladin. "How unfortunate."

"Your beauty could never be defiled your highness," Baxter said. "This is but a temporary set back, you shall recover in mere days.

"I thank you my loyal subjects," the Queen said, "for your kind words. But now I ask that you do as I do to project my children. They will be the future of the pack."

"We shall do as you ask your majesty," Eugene said. "But right now I could go for a spot of tea and crumpets."

"Yes, as could I," the Queen said, all three of them looking at the Paladins.

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On the far side of the canyon, a the woman's mouth hung open as she looked through the scope of a sniper rifle. "Boone, did you just see what I saw," she whispered.

"Yup," the man next to her said, looking through his own sniper rifle. "And now they're eating them."

"Ok, that settles it," the woman said, getting to her feet. "They tore through power armor, fuck the eggs, Lucy can get them herself, let's get out of here. Boone simply smiled as the two of them got to their feet and started to walk away.

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Author's Note: BRITISH STEREOTYPES!

Yeah, just something short I'd thought I'd crap out.


End file.
